Alix Kendall, Rena Sarigianopoulos and Elizabeth Ries walk into a bar

I want to write about too many things, and I don't want to write 10 blog posts in the next year, so here are thoughts on a variety of topics, rolled into one package.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT THAT FASCINATING

Why is it that TV stations insist on treating their employees like they're part of our family? I'm sure the anchors and reporters are complicit in this.

We all know Rena Sarigianopoulos got married and had a child during the past few years. It's hard to hide the pregnancy when a woman continues to work on camera, but honestly, did KARE-TV need to share pictures of Rena's wedding and pregnancy announcement on its social media channels?

It's one thing to note that an on-air "talent" has had a child. If you watch Rena on that news-fluff program she participates in you noticed the obvious, and were probably reminded of it plenty of times. (I don't watch, so I don't know.) When Rena disappears for weeks, it's understandable that the station will show a picture of the mother and child and note a baby was born.

But TV stations take it to another level these days thanks to social media. I'm not sure which station in the Twin Cities is most guilty, but damn, KARE-TV sure likes to exploit the personal lives of their talent. I have to assume the talent agrees to play along. It's sad, and it is trumped by the fact that people actually care. They will respond to those Facebook posts to congratulate Rena or whomever it is for their incredible accomplishment. Harmless, sure, but a sad indictment of both the stations pumping out the local news and the people watching it.

BRING ME A BARF BAG

I'm not a fan of that lame attempt at news chat that Rena and her pal are doling out at 6:30 p.m., although Rena doesn't seem that interested any more. I don't watch the show, but if I have the TV on at 6:30, I try to see who is hosting on any particular night, and Rena is absent more often than not, it seems.

Perhaps the show is better than it was a couple of years ago when I first watched it, but honestly, these people are not smart.

Did I ever mention Rena once lectured me on Twitter? I made a silly comment about the show, but instead of ignoring it, Rena lectured me for my negativity. Now keep in mind that I had watched the show three times in its opening few months. I was watching on one 2016 night and tweeted that I was going to change the channel because the windbags on #BTN11 were going to praise Chris Kluwe, who should need no introduction to you because he's a media whore. I never said I wouldn't turn the channel back in five minutes to watch the final segment of the show.

So Rena, in response to a snarky comment at the end of the show, "busted" me. And then she lectured me, and tried to flatter her own ego at the same time. How superficial. And so, so wrong. At this point I hadn't tweeted all that much about her show, but she really put me in my place!

I was a social bully for daring to criticize a crappy show and refusing to watch two women babble about Chris Kluwe? OK, honey.

She didn't block me, like she should have if she is so delusional as to think I tweet hate daily.

Ignore those who criticize your crappy show if your skin is so thin. But pretending I'm some social bully who is constantly tweeting about how awful the show is shows how petty she is. Some might suggest it's an indicator of intelligence, or lack thereof.

Rena's not the only person who lives in a fantasy world of self-importance. The show has a producer named Nikki Muehlhausen who once lectured me on Twitter. She's at least smart enough to have deleted her tweets about a day after she did so. But basically darling Nikki told me that I'm allowed to praise her lame show and offer a suggestion, but I'm not allowed to call a spade a spade. I was wrong for calling it like I see it. I can kiss #BTN11 ass, but I can't call out bad TV when I see it. I didn't screen capture it, so I can't share the sentiment exactly as it was expressed, but yes, she was that ridiculous.

There's a dufus named Chad Nelson who points a camera at stuff now and again for Ch. 11. He saw some of my tweets, particularly those simple, dopey ones I sent for a while, noting I wasn't watching #BTN11 daily, despite what Rena thinks. His life is no better than mine, evidently, as he tried to needle me a few times in response. I love dopes who like to fight fire with fire. I'm sure he thinks he's above that.

In its earliest days they had some stiff named Nick Petersen who was their social media genius. They'd turn to him to share with the viewers what they were talking about on social media while watching the show. The guy wasn't smooth. I didn't interact with him much, but I did note his segment was painful to watch. A couple of months later I tweeted something (probably snarky) and made my standard comment about how I hate every segment, every day. He didn't reply. He blocked me, and I'm guessing he did so simply because he wasn't interested in seeing my comments in his social media scouring for #BTN11.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how it's done. Don't get high and mighty like Rena and Nikki, don't be a fool like Chad. Just ignore and move on. I'll have a lot more respect for you, even if you're not great on camera. (I flip to the show for a moment every once in a great while, and I haven't seen that guy on camera for a long, long time. I'm guessing Nikki saw the same thing I did.)

My favorite interaction came from Chris Hrapsky. He's a KARE reporter who has had to feed from the #BTN11 trough a lot, as far as I can tell. (He has my sympathy.) I'm not sure why he was compelled to engage me, but rather than get all high and mighty, he spent a few minutes to learn a thing or two and ask a question. I was impressed.

Chris could be an egomaniac for all I know. He could have the IQ of a diseased cat. But in comparison to all those from KARE who engaged me regarding #BTN11, he appears to be the only person whose elevator goes to the top floor. I can barely watch KARE's newscasts these days, for a myriad of reasons, but I respect a guy who doesn't need to come off as holier than thou.

IT'S HARD TO KARE

I'm no expert or insider, I've said that before. But Ch. 11 has really gone down the toilet when it comes to overall quality of their news and newscasts, and I don't need to be an expert in order to see that. I don't have the time or patience to list all the ways the station has lost my viewership. I watch on a rare occasion just because I like torturing myself. The single best example of how the once-mighty NBC affiliate has gone in the dumper? Weekend sports kid Ryan Shaver.

CAN I GET A BARF BAG WITH JASON MATHESON'S FACE ON IT?

I have mocked the fact that TV viewers find the opinions of the local talking heads to be entertaining, interesting and/or important. It was enough to have the goofballs at Ch. 9 doing it every weekday at 9 a.m., but it must have been too lucrative, as Ch. 4 decided they needed to get in on the action, too. I won't rehash my previous rants about that.

Of all the talking bobos on local TV, nobody is more nauseating than Jason Matheson.

I use to respect the guy. He worked long hours and did whatever it took to land two seemingly decent jobs in the Twin Cities. And with all that effort, he has become intolerable.

I occasionally watch a few minutes of his TV chat fest on Ch. 9, airing weekdays at 10 a.m. and a dozen other times each week at any odd time the local Fox affiliate has time to fill on either of its stations.

First off, God bless Jason for playing up the gay stereotype of being fascinated with pop culture. I don't know if he gushes over the usual gay icons -- Cher, Barbra Streisand and Rosie O'Donnell -- but he gushes over a few people, I've learned over the years. Katie Couric immediately comes to mind. It sells, buddy, so keep it up, I suppose.

Why are people so fascinated about a gay man who will tell you how interesting a "Real Housewives" episode is? I'll never understand people.

A dude working in Minneapolis, talking about pop culture. Big fucking deal. But Jesus, Jason will try to convince you he has his fingers on the pulse of Hollywood, and connections you just won't get anywhere else. Maybe he does, I don't know, but every time I sample his schtick, he's making fairly obvious observations. He's like a poor woman's Wendy Williams. You want a window into the world of mindless sheep, watch Wendy's audience go nuts for her banal observations. Then get a local version of it by watching Matheson gab on Fox 9.

For whatever reason, his two-bit show has been given two summer tryouts as a national talker. I'm stunned that there's nothing better to consider. There can't be if his show is being given a tryout.

I tried to congratulate him for the opportunity. But I didn't simply kiss his ass, which seems to be the way you have to treat him nowadays.

I noted via Twitter to Matheson that it was a tough road to national stardom he was about to navigate, as proven by bigger names who have had summer tryouts in limited markets, but it was impressive nonetheless that he had been given the opportunity. Princess took that as an insult, of course, and had to self-stimulate his ego in responding to me. You'll have to take my word for it, I'm not in the mood to create Twitter images to illustrate it.

I don't read his tweets regularly, but he once bitched about the cost of an Uber ride from the local airport. I get that you don't make millions of dollars per year in local broadcasting, but it seemed silly to me. Perhaps he was trying to appear relatable to all the housewives who adore their gal pal.

I mocked him for his silly bitching, and of course his response was quite Sarigianopoulos-like, pretending that he's constantly under attack by me, somebody who rarely pays attention to his silliness.

He's a great success story whose ego can no longer be contained by his Buzz Boy frame.

I haven't listened to 10 minutes of his chick talk on morning drive radio, so I can't comment about how brilliant, or brutal, his long-form fawning over Shania Twain is.

And last, but not least: Jason, please convince those cheap bastards at Fox 9 to spend some cash on a theme song for your daily parade. Please don't tell me that the garbage you're using now is original, commissioned music. It sounds like royalty-free crap that would be used as filler during some lame children's show.

DID THEY HAVE A PRENUP? 

It's not nice to laugh at the failures of others, but I'll admit that the implosion of Paul Lambert's fairy tale marriage warms my heart a little.

Lambert, known as "Meatsauce" on 100.3 FM's morning show, is a great rags to riches story. He plays his part well, and as I've said before, he's The Fan's replacement for Jeff Dubay.

The hype and publicity he garnered for losing a few pounds and marrying Falen, a sidekick on the KDWB morning show, was a bit nauseating. Two people working for Clear Channel morning shows start dating, get married and live happily ever after. Congrats. More power to you.

It's inevitable that it's going to come up on the morning shows they work for. I assume it was discussed on KDWB. I rarely listen to morning radio, and when I do, I never listen to Dave Ryan. Ever.

But the nuptials got a lot of steam in the Twin Cities. There was at least one feature story in the local media profiling the love affair of these two "celebrities," and the duo didn't hesitate to market themselves as some sort of "Beauty and the Beast" duo. They'd find ways to use their marriage for promotion of themselves and/or their radio stations. I never watched the videos, but they had cooking videos that were shared on the radio station websites, if I recall correctly.

These clowns were nauseating, but that's what you have to be if you want to make money as a "personality." And of course the fairy tale marriage came crashing to the ground within a couple of years. I've read comments about why, but I've never heard or read a reliable explanation, and I don't care.

I don't revel in the failure of these fools, but it brings a wry smile to my face, knowing that their personal lives have been shown to be as fraudulent as their on-air personas.

QUICK HITS

To close out this Twin Cities roundup, here are random thoughts.

It's great that you get to sit on a WCCO couch once a week and give us your insightful movie reviews, Dennis "Rusty" Gatenby, but it's time to put your name to use as some mediocre communications coordinator for a local company and quit trying to hold onto the local TV limelight you lost so long ago.

It has been more than 18 months since I last published on this blog, and the last time I did, I noted what a waste of flesh Cheryl Johnson is. She's better known by her initials, B.J., and since she got in trouble for her idiocy back in 2016 she has been severely neutered by the Strib, which published the garbage she produced. The only reason they don't shitcan her, I'm guessing, is that she'll sue for discrimination. There ain't no way she's worth whatever they're paying her, and there ain't no way she's getting a better paying gig if she's kicked to the curb by the Strib. But it's nice to see the Strib has stopped publishing the garbage she use to produce, which seemed to lack any sort of editorial scrutiny.

I never, in my wildest dreams, would have guessed we'd still have sports talk on AM 1500. I don't know how that low-rated station survives, but kudos to all of you who looked to be out of a job more than a year ago.

And Kudos to the Pohlad family for proving that underachievement isn't limited to the MLB franchise you own. The inability of the Pohlads, whichever brother(s) run the radio/media conglomerate they built, to succeed in running a radio station is a fitting testament to the business savvy the family has demonstrated during the past 25 years.

Brian Oake is still an asshole. It just needs to be said more often than it is.

Last, and certainly least, is the namesake of this blog. I've predicted before that it's going to end on a very sour note for Dubay. His most recent run-in with the law ended with a plea agreement he made. He claimed that he couldn't risk going to jail for years as a result of the lies of a vindictive housemate he may or may not have been having sex with. Even if Dubay's hands were clean, the circumstances of it all show how hard it is to pick up the pieces after you've flushed your career and reputation down the toilet. And we know Dubay hasn't been able to walk the straight and narrow in the years since it all came crashing down around him. Unless Dubay comes to Jesus and makes peace with what's left of his life -- the dude is 50 years old, it's unlikely his life is ever going to be as cool as it was in his 30s -- it's not a matter of what ugliness will befall his life, it's simply a question of when does the next shoe drop. Good luck, Puffy, you're going to need it far more than most degenerate gamblers.

AND FINALLY

It's easy to throw stones at the local media. When pompous script readers like Jason DeRusha lecture the world on how precious his time is, and how great of a human he is for giving of his time, it's hard to avoid vomiting. Oh yeah, he's a culinary genius who eats and writes. He's multi-faceted!

When local "talent" is asked to fill an hour talking about the news and water cooler topics, you'll end up cringing at some point, assuming you're not lapping it up like a Pavlovian dog. (I'll never forget the excitement the recently departed Kylie Bearse expressed about the fascinating hour of chat they were about to launch at 9 a.m. a couple of years ago.)

It's too easy to throw stones because too many of the folks producing news or inane chat are mediocre at best, not nearly as well compensated as you might think. As I've noted before, plenty of folks get out of the biz for jobs that seem far less prestigious, and I'd bet my last $5 that income is a major factor in why former reporters find their way to communications positions with corporations or governmental agencies. Or, if you're fortunate enough to be a trophy wife, a la Natalie Nyhus, you can afford to stay home with your child. Why pass your paycheck onto a day care provider when you can spend those formative years with your child? Good gig if you can get it.

I have occasionally lavished praise, or simple observations, about developments in the local media. But more often than anything, I've chosen the low hanging fruit: Criticizing the mediocrity and mindlessness of the local media. The Twin Cities may be a top 20 market nationally, but our products are weak, and we're not unique. Media companies don't have the exclusivity and license to print money they once held, and they're not interested in being nonprofit entities.

I am pretty much guaranteed years of fodder, should I chose to accept it. But not so long ago, I listened as a motivational speaker discussed the merits of creating, regardless of the audience for your product. Sure, this blog is a creative outlet, and one that finds an audience. With little promotion these days I've found that plenty of people find their way to the blog. Not hundreds per day, but more than most "mommy" bloggers get, I'd wager.

This blog is a creative endeavor, but it's not the most satisfying creative outlet. A few months ago I finally started a new creative project that has nothing to do with writing, and I'm enjoying it. I'm going to keep at it.

I won't suggest that I'm never going to record another thought at this blog, but it hasn't been a priority for more than a year, and since the start of 2018, I've finally found a replacement for that creative expression this blog has provided, even if it is at Keith Leventhal's expense. (As his biggest fan, I had to work a backhanded compliment in one more time.)

Until something changes, I'm putting the blog on indefinite hiatus. Now, if we could just get Fox 9 to do the same thing with Ian Leonard....

Do you love Jeff Dubay more than he hates you?

When I started this blog a little over two years ago, I needed some random, slightly clever title for it, emphasis on slightly.

Jeff Dubay seemed like the perfect minor broadcasting "celebrity" worthy of immortalizing with this blog. Little did I know his life would implode, again, soon after I launched the blog. I'm not a fan of his schtick, but I do root for him, despite his appetite for self-destruction.

My goal was never to build a a vast online audience or a social media empire, I just wanted a place for opinions to be shared on people who think they're really, really special because they are seen or heard daily in the Twin Cities.

I have promoted the blog a bit, but I've mostly given that up. I tried promoting it via a couple of avenues, but I've since come to enjoy watching blog postings find their audience organically. I share each blog post via Google, and usually tweet a link to it once or twice, otherwise I'm rather low key when it comes to promotion.

I won't cite a lot of analytics, but I will share a few interesting tidbits when I look at how this modest collection of essays has reached the masses during the two years I've churned out content.

I'm averaging about 12 posts a year, and I never intended for this blog to have weekly content.

I'm not delusional, page views are no promise that a viewer has read a word I wrote. But that's one of the few measurements I have available in trying to decide if anyone notices the content I create.

I've tried a few experiments with Google and learned that my blog postings are near the top of Google searches for some of the broadcasters I've toasted.

Number one, easily, is Alix Kendall.

My April 2014 blog post about Kendall and her lawsuit against the cops has generated more than 13,000 page views in nearly two years.

I'm no analytical genius, but it doesn't take one to know that female TV broadcasters are frequently Googled.

Kendall must be quite popular with the Googlers of the Twin Cities. As a matter of fact, there's a blog site that features thousands of pictures of newswomen nationwide wearing boots. (Rena Sarigianopoulos, my new least favorite broadcaster, has been featured on the site.) That blog started as a site dedicated to the worship of Kendall.

So the fact that Kendall generates the most traffic to this blog is not a surprise. I should probably write about her more often just for the web traffic, but I'm not as fascinated by her, or her boots, as some people.

It's a close race for first runner up. The edge goes to a guy known on KFAN radio as Meatsauce.

His post grabbed a lot of attention in June 2014 because I tweeted the link to him, and he tweeted the link to his followers. As you'd expect, Paul Lambert wasn't enamored with my critique of his success in radio. I don't hate him, I don't love him and I didn't flatter him when I reviewed his charmed life, but he shared my writing, perhaps to rally those who love him to his defense. It worked, it appeared, as my blog post about him blew up quicker than any other I've written.

But ultimately Kendall proved to be more appealing to the Internet than Lambert, not to my surprise, so he's a distant second with barely half of Kendall's page views.

In third place, not far behind Lambert, is a post about Kelsey Soby. I've penned a couple of posts about Soby, but it was the first one that has her at more than 6,000 page views. Not to my surprise she generates a lot of Internet steam, although that has slowed down thanks to her retirement from being a morning traffic babe.

In fourth place is my post about Emily Engberg. The out-and-about imp for the channel 5 afternoon chat fest is easy on the eyes, and she has managed to generate nearly 5,000 page views.

From there things drop off dramatically. No other blog post has generated 2,000 page views. The closest would be a long dissection of Jason Matheson's career. That post is a steady performer, helped in part by the fact that a Google search of his name sometimes puts my posting at the bottom of page 1. He's no Engberg, clearly, but he's an established broadcaster that has a strong name in this market. So thanks, buddy, for the blog traffic. I'm not a loyal fan of his work, but I like his attitude, so it's hard to root against him.

Some of my older blog posts have low page views, often because I didn't drop a name into the title, I suspect. Name checking the primary subject, if there is one, helps generate traffic. Posts that don't have a name in them are the worst performers, according to page views.

Although I have several post titles that reference Dubay, none of them top 1,000 page views. And my very first post, about Dennis "Rusty" Gatenby, has more page views than any Dubay post, although it, too, has less than 1,000 page views.

Showing promise is a November 2015 post about Shayne Wells, the new traffic babe at FOX 9. It has nearly 1,400 page views, which is pretty good compared to everything I've written about Dubay.

Another measurement of interest in the comments I receive. None of my posts receive a truckload of comments, and the comment tally includes responses I make, and I respond in some capacity to most of the comments I receive.

Many posts have no comments, but the post with the most is my Lambert analysis. His total is due, in part, to the fact he tweeted it to his followers, and several of them read it, and responded. The post manages to generate an occasional comment nearly two years later.

Kendall gets the most page views, but her post is second when it comes to comments. She has never tweeted a link to my writing, to the best of my knowledge, so I'm guessing that has something to do with it.

My first post about Soby is the third most popular with those who comment. Beyond that my blog has a small, random handful of comments.

These numbers don't tell you a lot, and I don't care. I just wanted a snapshot for comparison purposes should I continue this blog in the years to come.

One last note, my post about Keith Leventhal is doing pretty well. It has nearly 1,000 page views, which is impressive given nobody in the Twin Cities knows who he is. I suspect half of that traffic is due to the fact he visits the post on a daily basis.

Patrick Hammer (Fay) needs to stop drinking

It turns out Dennis "Rusty" Gatenby isn't the only person who likes to hit the bottle.

Another alum of KSTP-TV has a bit of a problem keeping the cork in his bottle. The meteorologist we knew as Patrick Hammer finally landed a regular gig after a long layoff. He took his talents to Buffalo.

Hammer's story of perseverance is admirable. After many years at the Hubbard fiasco he was kicked to the curb, told he wasn't wanted. It took a long time for Hammer, known to the court system as Patrick Fay, to land another gig. God finally smiled upon him, sending him to Buffalo for a new gig earlier this year.

Hammer's story is rather interesting. It was told locally by our annoying gossip maven, and a similar story was chronicled not so long ago in Buffalo.

Essentially Hammer – his last name on TV, but somehow his middle name in real life – spent more than a year waiting for a TV camera to beckon him, so he took a job with Target, doing warehouse work. He was recognizable to most people he worked with, evidently, but that didn't change the fact he needed some sort of income to help feed family. At some point he also took a retail sales job, selling men's clothing, as I recall.

The local spin of his tale left out a few interesting details, such as the difficulty he had in obtaining part-time work with another Twin Cities station.

Last winter KARE-TV needed some help on a temporary basis, and they brought in Hammer for the gig. According to the Buffalo version of the story, even though the heartless Hubbards kicked Hammer to the curb, he was still bound by a non-compete clause in the local market. Hammer had to beg the Hubbards to let him take a temporary gig on KARE-TV during his local blacklisting. Eventually the heartless Hubbards consented, as long as it was limited to weekend broadcasts.

I get why non-compete clauses are part of the broadcasting business, but I'll never understand why the clauses are in effect after you are shown the door. If you're still being paid by your former employer, that's understandable. But it boggles my mind that employers are allowed to tell employees that if they cut off your income, you're not allowed to take a comparable job elsewhere in the market. A station that wants nothing to do with you is allowed to keep another station from employing you for a defined period of time. That's insanity.

Nonetheless Hammer had that added obstacle to overcome in his quest for further employment. Although KARE-TV didn't want him on a full-time basis, thanks to his temporary work at the NBC affiliate he was able to land a gig with another station under the same ownership as KARE-TV.

Hammer and his family were off to Buffalo, never to return again. (Neither Hammer nor his wife have Minnesota roots.)

Hammer made news in Buffalo recently, and it wasn't good news. After five months on the job in Buffalo he was busted for DWI. His rags-to-riches story had just been chronicled two weeks earlier in The Buffalo News when the newspaper had to tell the tale of how he drove his old Toyota into the ditch, and had a blood-alcohol concentration that was twice the legal limit.

Part of Hammer's rags-to-riches tale tells of how he bicycled to his gig at Target. You would assume that was simply for exercise and to save gas money. But perhaps not. (The family was down to one vehicle, he told Cheryl.) Relevant or not, Hammer turned to the bottle for comfort not long after he disappeared from the KSTP-TV airwaves in early 2014. He was arrested for DWI in Washington County, where he lived, around Memorial Day 2014.

The gossip maven missed all this in her rags-to-riches tale. Oops.

So Hammer has a drinking problem, or at minimum a driving problem, and it manifested itself at a low point in his professional career. That's gotta be a bitter pill to swallow.

Unlike his good buddy Dennis Gatenby – the former traffic dork and unnecessary seat warmer at KSTP-TV for far too many years – Hammer was able to escape the public shame of being a TV celebrity who couldn't keep his car on the road. Gatenby's inability to drink and drive was touted as the reason the Hubbards kicked him to the curb. (I contend it was just an excuse to do what they should have done years ago.) Hammer's inability to drive drunk escaped the notice of the intrepid Cheryl Johnson!

All that has changed, however, with Hammer's latest booking for DWI in Buffalo.

What does the future hold for Hammer and his employment in Buffalo? It's hard to say, but it doesn't look good when you're hired to replace a longtime, legendary meteorologist on a TV station's payroll and then you wind up facing a felony DWI charge five months into your gig.

In two chroniclings of his rags-to-riches story, Hammer comes off as humble and appreciative of overcoming a challenge in his professional career, a challenge that was seemingly thrust upon him without warrant. He seems like a likable guy.

I have never watched his station religiously, and he never rubbed me the wrong way. I was never enamored with his broadcasting prowess, but that's par for the Twin Cities.

The dude hit rock bottom at what would seem to be the lowest point of his professional career, and he recovered. He may not be the king of meteorology, but he seemed to do a nice job of rebounding from 2014. And yet he has derailed his career with his inability to drink and drive.

Many people fail repeatedly, yet are able to dust themselves off time and time again. The rules are a bit different when you're a pseudo-celebrity like Hammer.

Whether this is merely a bump in the road or a road block you may never overcome regarding your broadcasting career, you have two choices, Hammer. Continue to make the same mistakes, and further jeopardize your career, as well as the lives of your wife and family, or stop drinking.

You clearly have a problem. Solve it by becoming a cautionary tale, not a punchline in Twin Cities broadcasting history.

Welcome to the club, Dennis "Rusty" Gatenby

Before I finally get around to toasting the great Jeff Dubay, the namesake of this temperamental blog, I have to raise a glass and propose a toast to a true bastion of media excellence: Dennis "Rusty" Gatenby.

I am in awe of Dennis. I don't know a lot about him, but I know a bit:

He was an off-camera lackey for the 1980s television choo-choo known as Good Company. From what I read recently, he weaseled his way on camera occasionally. I remember seeing the husband-and-wife team of Steve and Sharon on weekday afternoons after school. I'm not sure why I ever dialed up their show, but I know I saw it occasionally, and I vaguely recall seeing Dennis grace the airwaves now and then.

In the mid-1990s Good Company was scuttled, and Dennis, being some sort of Hubbard bastard child, retained a paycheck. He became the go-to guy for any fluff piece that had nothing to do with news. He did a lot of entertainment interviews, (crucial to Twin Cities news,) and inherited the job of breaking down the traffic maps every weekday morning. He had that gig for many, many years. Beats working for a living, I suppose.

I'm speculating a bit, but I'm reasonably confident Dennis was married, and that his wife was an architect working in Shorewood, a sleepy little suburb with some valuable real estate.

That nugget would seem to be more than a little coincidental as word broke – thanks to the Star Tribune's pompous "celebrity gossip" maven – that Dennis was dismissed from the Hubbard empire after three decades because he was busted for DWI in Excelsior, which he claimed is close to his home in Minnetonka. (Excelsior and Shorewood's borders are often blurred, particularly by those who live there.)

The irony is that Dennis lost his job as a traffic reporter because he drove drunk. Ouch.

The Hubbards have been cutting salaries recently, and there's no guarantee they'll replace those salaries with fresh meat. (How many stations in the country have five on-air meteorologists in the fold? Ch. 5 did for a time.) As has been proven for years at various local stations, you can hire barely competent broadcasters to do traffic reports, and you can get 'em cheap. Why pay Dennis a real salary for that crap when you can find a desperate to be on TV babe to stumble through a traffic report for peanuts? Dennis was bloat, and his drunken driving was the perfect excuse for Hubbard to finally stop paying him.

That annoying gossip maven noted in her writing that people either love or hate Dennis, but he's the type of guy that gets people to watch, either way. Perhaps so, but I never found him to be worth my time, although I would sample his broadcasting skills on occasion. And every time I'd wonder how the hell he has a job. Those days are finally over. I won't miss him.

Funny tidbit: I noted that I am reasonably confident Dennis was married. If I'm right, he has traded his wife in for a younger model. A nugget from the arrogant gossip maven, circa 2008, noted that Dennis was at an event with a rather young woman by his side. The suggestion wasn't that Dennis was escorting a daughter at the event. This was Dennis's date, evidently. If that be correct, as stated by the maven, I wouldn't be shocked at all. You can be an average looking middle-aged dude with a silly job, but as long as you're recognized as being somebody and catered to like you're important, there will be a babe half your age waiting to act as your arm candy when it's time to trade the old wife in. What a country!