Star Tribune columnist C.J.: an emperor with no clothes

I've been relatively quiet via this blog in recent weeks. That has been by design. But tonight all bets are off.

I don't enjoy "Breaking the News." It's a painful show featuring two smug women who are producing a bunch of fast food, the kind of garbage the public seems to crave when it comes to the news they consume. I've learned via Twitter that Rena Sarigianopoulos, one of the two anchorettes, isn't very sharp. And some of her KARE-TV staff is equally dimwitted when it comes to social media and responding to people like me, who don't find the TV show to be worthwhile.

I scoff at the general wardrobe choices of Jana Shortal, the other anchorette. I'm not a prude, I just think that her wardrobe choices and her style are a distraction when she broadcasts. And I find that to be the case every time I flip past her KARE-TV chatfest. But even if she looked like a million dollars, it wouldn't change my disdain for the content of the program. It's just my personal preference, and I feel that way whether she's talking about terrorism or what little kids think about politics. But i'm just a viewer with a blog. I have no clout in the media.

While I don't care for Shortal's show, I care even less for the arrogant, worthless gossip maven of the Star Tribune: Cheryl Johnson. I like to refer to Johnson by her nickname: B.J.

B.J. decided to rip Shortal for her wardrobe choice while discussing a sad, difficult, 27-year story that affects many in this state. Most are only affected indirectly, yet thousands upon thousands of people have been impacted by the short life and horrific death of Jacob Wetterling.

Of all the times to rip Shortal about her wardrobe choices, B.J. is too fucking stupid to know better than to do it in relation to Shortal's reporting about the details of Wetterling's death. (I don't think I've ever used profanity in this blog.)

B.J. has been a fixture in the local media for more than two decades. That's one hell of an indictment of the Twin Cities right there. And B.J. has proven herself to be an egotistical, arrogant bitch on previous occasions.

And the fact that B.J. chose the details of Wetterling's death as the moment to crucify Shortal for her fashion choices shows just how inflated her ego is, how out of touch she is as a human being and how worthless she is as a gossip maven in the Twin Cities.

I may not be a fan of Shortal, but I was highly impressed by how classy she was in her online response to B.J.

What's more astonishing than B.J.'s idiotic, aloof perspective of Shortal? The fact that the Star Tribune allowed her idiocy to be published on its website. The Strib offered an apology for posting an insensitive column by B.J., but it begs the question, "Are the inmates running the asylum?"

I'm glad the Strib published the column, only to delete it and offer a pathetic apology. B.J.'s shallow, arrogant opinions have unleashed holy hell upon the Strib's social media platforms and is bringing spectacular attention to the worthless trash that is B.J.'s career.

I hope the Strib's error finally awakens more than a few people to the fact that B.J.'s media presence is pathetic and worthless.

I may be petty and idiotic for having an opinion about how lackluster Shortal's wardrobe is, but I'm not as petty and idiotic as B.J., thank God.

Rena Sarigianopoulos you're breaking my heart

I've noted in the past that I'm not a big fan of talking heads telling us what they think about the current events of the day, and Rena Sarigianopoulos hasn't changed my opinion of that.

Sarigianopoulos and her sister from another mister, Jana Shortal, really want us to know what they think about some of the topics of the day. And it's a painful exercise.

After months of planning the dynamic duo debuted "Breaking the News" early this year. I have no idea what it is they're breaking. They're not breaking news, and they don't seem to be breaking down the news. Perhaps they're trying to tell us they're breaking the mold of what a news show is, and should be.

Horrible name aside, the wonder twins are doing everything in their power to get us to tune in and hear them babble about news topics and fluff that wouldn't see the airwaves under discerning circumstances.

I watched their recent President's Day edition, or whatever the pointless holiday is, and I was not impressed.

They opened by talking about the political hot potato: a vacant Supreme Court seat. Shortal made a very keen observation about how it is going to be an interesting topic to watch.

Shortal also did one of those cutesy bits where she interviewed kids at a museum, asking them questions related to the legal holiday...the reason the kids weren't in school. I'm not sure how that was "breaking the news," but it was uninspiring.

It has been two days now, so I don't quite recall every element of this painful show. I wasn't taking notes. But I seem to recall some sort of cute, viral video, or something akin to it, because we don't get enough of that from every other news talker on TV. Great job breaking the news, ladies.

Naturally this show has an interactive element. Oh boy, what a thrill, having a tweet read during the broadcast. And sharing opinions with other simple-minded dolts on Facebook. Dream come true.

If that's not bad enough, the social media conversations are handicapped on camera by a guy with a little too much starch in his underpants. I'm guessing he forgets to wear deodorant, too. He was less than comfortable sitting in that Office Max desk chair, leading the social media parade.

But that kind of crap appeals to an element of society, and that's what the brass at KARE-11 is seeking, I guess.

As if this show wasn't painful enough, it's a visual disaster. The news chicas are sitting on a couch, of course, and it's hideous looking. I guess the new set recently built for Randy and Julie was guilty of breaking the bank. (#rimshot)

While I don't expect Sarigianopoulos and Shortal to look like the Bobbsey Twins, they should at least look as compatible as Frank and Amelia. But that's not the case.

Sarigianopoulos looked like a trophy wife socialite at a stuffy country club while Shortal looked like her wardrobe came from Ellen DeGeneres' clothing line, if she sold it at Walmart. I'm not a big fan of fashion critique, but the Odd Couple schtick isn't helping an already painful show. Somebody call the fashion police, Shortal is breaking the law. (#rimshot)

Most television is little more than mindless distraction, and if viewers want to hear two people painfully stumble through 30 minutes of banter, that's no more a crime than watching a high stakes game of hangman or a bunch of California hipster wannabes sitting around talking about the camera people who chase celebrities. But that doesn't make Breaking the News worth applauding.

The "On the Fly" guy is now in the unemployment line

Not a shock that longtime Twin Cities radio "personality" Tony Fly is done entertaining us on television, at least in his current incarnation.

I've never been a big fan of Tony Fly. It's not that I don't like him, it's just that he doesn't sell anything I buy. He was a fixture at KDWB-FM for many years, probably more than I can remember, but I had little interest in the hot hits of the day. I'm far from an authority on his career, but his online resume says his career dates back to 1988, when he worked at Z100 in New York as a weekend guy. He bounced around a bit before winding up doing more than 10 years at KDWB, which ended in 2003. He's not afraid to let you know that he was "NUMBER ONE IN-DEMO LITERALLY EVERY RATINGS MEASUREMENT PERIOD."

He did double duty at the end of his KDWB days, evidently, as he did mornings in Austin. I presume that's Texas. I'm too lazy to look it up if he's too lazy to spell it out on his resume.

His poorly crafted resume gets a bit confusing, as it appears that he went to work for what would be his post-KDWB employer prior to departing the Clear Channel family in 2003. Whatever he was doing during that time, I remember him best as the longtime morning show host of what was B96, the urban hip-hop radio station that was abandoned for reasons I'll never understand. As the format changed, Tony remained with the frequency until 2012, when they, presumably, had to dump his salary.

I had forgotten that during his B96 years there was also a local television program showing snippets of his wacky morning zoo, a la Howard Stern in his prime. So I guess it wasn't a stretch for the Fox-owned My29, or whatever they call it these days, to hire Tony in 2013 to host an hour of television that essentially resembled a morning radio show.

For more than two-and-a-half years Fly has been gabbing on the late night airwaves. I can't believe it has been that long already. Where does the time go?

The program started out with your typical morning zoo formula. Tony was the driver and perky Fox9 traffic babe Kelsey Soby was the sidekick. Dan Edwards, who I knew nothing about, other than that he somehow worked with Tony previously, served as the producer/second sidekick who they turned to when they needed a third wheel.

It was a lame show that seemed to cater to the kind of people who don't know what a Mensa meeting is. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't for me, shockingly.

It was a video version of a morning zoo, taped seemingly 12 hours ahead of its late night time slot. Thanks to technology the show was not limited to folks calling the host via telephone. Viewers could respond to the weeknight broadcasts by sharing videos of themselves, and those videos were periodically broadcast as part of the show. And of course viral videos and other visual stimuli were a necessary part of the formula. Since I didn't watch the show regularly, or for long periods of time when I'd stop and gawk, I can't say how often they'd have a guest on the show, but it happened now and then.

Again, the show wasn't for me, but it wasn't a bad idea. We have plenty of hours of TV based upon people telling us their opinions, and disagreeing with each other in response to those opinions. That now passes for entertainment. I get it when you're listening to such banter in your car, or while hand washing your delicates, but I don't get the appeal of watching people sit around and talk.

"On the Fly" did a good job of keeping the show interactive. Besides injecting its viewers into the broadcast it offered interactivity via social media channels, pretty much like every morning zoo these days.

The show plugged along for about a year, give or take, and seemed to gain some steam when Edwards departed. He left for a purely off-camera job with the KARE-TV sports department, and has since moved on from that. When he departed as the show's second sidekick, that left a void, although it appeared that the show made an effort to bring in more local "celebrities" to fill that void. Tony seemed to take a liking to a guy who calls himself "L.A. Nik," who is either a brilliant entrepreneur and self-promoter or a complete ass clown.

Aside: Edwards strikes me as a more interesting person than Fly or Soby.

The show chugged along, sans Edwards, until last spring. As it neared the two-year mark Soby announced her departure from the show. Her excuse seems rather fraudulent in retrospect, and despite the fact I didn't think she brought anything special to the table, her departure signaled the beginning of the end.

That's because the brain trust at Fox didn't replace her. The show seemed to fill Edwards' void a bit by cutting to whomever the control room wizard of the show is, but there was no replacement for Soby. And the show started to take a rather awkward turn. Rather than try to replicate the chemistry with another version of Soby, Tony started sitting down with the local touring comedian of the week, as well as other local non-celebs who were often two-bit comedians. Sure, I saw Fancy Ray McCloney on the show once, and Tony's old B96 sidekick, whom I know nothing about, was a semi-regular, but none of these folks were a draw. And they sat around and chatted about God knows what, with little viewer interaction, although it seemed like they tried to bring a little of that back in the final weeks.

I didn't love the show, but the original formula seemed to work, and not sticking with it after Soby's departure seemed to hastily bring the show to its final resting place. Word on the Internet today was that the show will cease after this Friday. I'm not the least bit surprised.

Tony isn't completely unemployed, thanks to a small gig he picked up, as the Remy Maxwell of 105 the Vibe. Ironically B96 just relaunched, more or less, on the day Tony got his pink slip from Fox. Perhaps as that station slowly ramps up its on-air personalities there'll be another gig for Tony. I'm sure he'd be happy to trade his part-time gig at 105 for something more lucrative.

Otherwise he'll be busy hustling any voiceover work he can find. Like all great broadcasters he's looking for a slew of those gigs, particularly since he lost his last steady radio gig in 2012.

He doesn't do anything for me, but Tony seems like a personable broadcaster that people gravitate to. He seems to have adapted with the changing radio landscape and has a lot of name recognition in this market. There are fewer jobs in major market radio these days, but the cream always rises. He'll be back in a more prominent role in this market before too long, I'd bet. And if I'm right, here's hoping his job isn't torpedoed by poor format decisions that seem to have been responsible for his demise in recent years.

Patrick Hammer (Fay) needs to stop drinking

It turns out Dennis "Rusty" Gatenby isn't the only person who likes to hit the bottle.

Another alum of KSTP-TV has a bit of a problem keeping the cork in his bottle. The meteorologist we knew as Patrick Hammer finally landed a regular gig after a long layoff. He took his talents to Buffalo.

Hammer's story of perseverance is admirable. After many years at the Hubbard fiasco he was kicked to the curb, told he wasn't wanted. It took a long time for Hammer, known to the court system as Patrick Fay, to land another gig. God finally smiled upon him, sending him to Buffalo for a new gig earlier this year.

Hammer's story is rather interesting. It was told locally by our annoying gossip maven, and a similar story was chronicled not so long ago in Buffalo.

Essentially Hammer – his last name on TV, but somehow his middle name in real life – spent more than a year waiting for a TV camera to beckon him, so he took a job with Target, doing warehouse work. He was recognizable to most people he worked with, evidently, but that didn't change the fact he needed some sort of income to help feed family. At some point he also took a retail sales job, selling men's clothing, as I recall.

The local spin of his tale left out a few interesting details, such as the difficulty he had in obtaining part-time work with another Twin Cities station.

Last winter KARE-TV needed some help on a temporary basis, and they brought in Hammer for the gig. According to the Buffalo version of the story, even though the heartless Hubbards kicked Hammer to the curb, he was still bound by a non-compete clause in the local market. Hammer had to beg the Hubbards to let him take a temporary gig on KARE-TV during his local blacklisting. Eventually the heartless Hubbards consented, as long as it was limited to weekend broadcasts.

I get why non-compete clauses are part of the broadcasting business, but I'll never understand why the clauses are in effect after you are shown the door. If you're still being paid by your former employer, that's understandable. But it boggles my mind that employers are allowed to tell employees that if they cut off your income, you're not allowed to take a comparable job elsewhere in the market. A station that wants nothing to do with you is allowed to keep another station from employing you for a defined period of time. That's insanity.

Nonetheless Hammer had that added obstacle to overcome in his quest for further employment. Although KARE-TV didn't want him on a full-time basis, thanks to his temporary work at the NBC affiliate he was able to land a gig with another station under the same ownership as KARE-TV.

Hammer and his family were off to Buffalo, never to return again. (Neither Hammer nor his wife have Minnesota roots.)

Hammer made news in Buffalo recently, and it wasn't good news. After five months on the job in Buffalo he was busted for DWI. His rags-to-riches story had just been chronicled two weeks earlier in The Buffalo News when the newspaper had to tell the tale of how he drove his old Toyota into the ditch, and had a blood-alcohol concentration that was twice the legal limit.

Part of Hammer's rags-to-riches tale tells of how he bicycled to his gig at Target. You would assume that was simply for exercise and to save gas money. But perhaps not. (The family was down to one vehicle, he told Cheryl.) Relevant or not, Hammer turned to the bottle for comfort not long after he disappeared from the KSTP-TV airwaves in early 2014. He was arrested for DWI in Washington County, where he lived, around Memorial Day 2014.

The gossip maven missed all this in her rags-to-riches tale. Oops.

So Hammer has a drinking problem, or at minimum a driving problem, and it manifested itself at a low point in his professional career. That's gotta be a bitter pill to swallow.

Unlike his good buddy Dennis Gatenby – the former traffic dork and unnecessary seat warmer at KSTP-TV for far too many years – Hammer was able to escape the public shame of being a TV celebrity who couldn't keep his car on the road. Gatenby's inability to drink and drive was touted as the reason the Hubbards kicked him to the curb. (I contend it was just an excuse to do what they should have done years ago.) Hammer's inability to drive drunk escaped the notice of the intrepid Cheryl Johnson!

All that has changed, however, with Hammer's latest booking for DWI in Buffalo.

What does the future hold for Hammer and his employment in Buffalo? It's hard to say, but it doesn't look good when you're hired to replace a longtime, legendary meteorologist on a TV station's payroll and then you wind up facing a felony DWI charge five months into your gig.

In two chroniclings of his rags-to-riches story, Hammer comes off as humble and appreciative of overcoming a challenge in his professional career, a challenge that was seemingly thrust upon him without warrant. He seems like a likable guy.

I have never watched his station religiously, and he never rubbed me the wrong way. I was never enamored with his broadcasting prowess, but that's par for the Twin Cities.

The dude hit rock bottom at what would seem to be the lowest point of his professional career, and he recovered. He may not be the king of meteorology, but he seemed to do a nice job of rebounding from 2014. And yet he has derailed his career with his inability to drink and drive.

Many people fail repeatedly, yet are able to dust themselves off time and time again. The rules are a bit different when you're a pseudo-celebrity like Hammer.

Whether this is merely a bump in the road or a road block you may never overcome regarding your broadcasting career, you have two choices, Hammer. Continue to make the same mistakes, and further jeopardize your career, as well as the lives of your wife and family, or stop drinking.

You clearly have a problem. Solve it by becoming a cautionary tale, not a punchline in Twin Cities broadcasting history.